Learning How to Communicate with Someone Suffering From Alzheimer's Disease

As I thought about this I came to a simple conclusion. Instead of trying to change Alzheimer's World, instead of trying to fight Alzheimer's World, not only would I accept Alzheimer's World as a reality, I would go into Alzheimer's World and learn how to communicate effectively...

By +Bob DeMarco 
+Alzheimer's Reading Room

Earlier today, Carole Larkin published an interesting article -- How the Loss of Memory Works in Alzheimer’s Disease, and How Understanding This Could Help You.

Alzheimer's Caregiver Lament -- This is Not the Person I Knew (Audio)

By Bob DeMarco
Alzheimer's Reading Room

In order to communicate effectively with a person suffering from Alzheimer's disease you need to come to an understanding that they are now living in a new world -- I often refer to this as Alzheimer's world....

Ten Tips for Communicating with an Alzheimer’s Patient

Do not argue with them. It gets you nowhere......

By Carole Larkin
Alzheimer's Reading Room

Ever feel like your loved one is ignoring you or that you just weren’t getting through to your loved one? Try some of these tips to see if they help.

Tips for communicating with a mid-stage (or later) Alzheimer’s patient.

Alzheimer's -- Insight and Advice

“You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.” --Aristotle.....

By Bob DeMarco

The Metamorphosis of This Alzheimer's Caregiver (Part One)
The more I learned the more I wanted to know. I learned a great deal about Alzheimer's disease--including the science. It helped me understand a very mystifying disease. It helped me to put a frame around something that is difficult if not impossible to describe.

The Metamorphosis of This Alzheimer's Caregiver (Part Two)
It is difficult to describe the range of emotions a caregiver might feel or experience in a single day. Imagine being happy and then sad, caring then angry, focused then frustrated -- an almost endless stream of feelings and emotions that conflict.....

The Metamorphosis of This Alzheimer's Caregiver -- I Wish
Once I entered Alzheimer's world I did learn something fascinating -- my mother is full of feelings and emotion. I learned that I could connect with her....

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Communication in Alzheimer's World
Let's face it, dealing with Alzheimer's is not easy. Understanding Alzheimer's disease is not easy. Some people can't do it...not ever...

Alzheimer's Caregiver Lament -- I can't take her out because she eats with her hands
The positive effects of socialization, initiative, and motivation on the part of Alzheimer's sufferers and their caregiver should not be overlooked. I believe these are as important as the medication......

How We Beat Alzheimer's Incontinence -- A Solution
We are on a three day roll. No pee pee. No pee pee pajamas. No pee pee underwear. No pee pee pants...

Alzheimer's Caregiver Lament -- This is Not the Person I Knew
In order to communicate effectively with a person suffering from Alzheimer's disease you need to come to an understanding that they are now living in a new world -- I often refer to this as Alzheimer's world...

Which Drugs Increase the Risk of Falling for the Elderly
Falls are the leading cause of both fatal and nonfatal injuries for adults sixty-five and older...

I promised not to put my parents in a nursing home
The decision to keep a parent home or place them in a facility is never an easy choice, and is usually contemplated for a long time. The horror stories we’ve all heard about nursing homes can make anyone cringe.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
Sometimes while looking at all those stars I begin to look at the space between the stars -- I call this the Blue Nowhere...When I look at the Blue Nowhere, I begin to imagine all the persons suffering from Alzheimer's disease. The Blue Nowhere is very vast.

The Alzheimer's Action Plan: The Experts' Guide to the Best Diagnosis and Treatment for Memory Problems

Original content Bob DeMarco, Alzheimer's Reading Room

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Articles include information on: Testing Your Memory for Alzheimer's, Wandering, Aricept, Namenda, Dimebon, Dementia, Caregiving, Wii, Alzheimer's Facts and Figures, Walmart as a Caregiver Tool, and more.



Feel free to share these articles with friends, caregivers, support groups, associations, or on you blog/website.

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Bob DeMarco is an Alzheimer's caregiver and editor of the Alzheimer's Reading Room. The Alzheimer's Reading Room is the number one website on the Internet for advice and insight into Alzheimer's disease. Bob taught at the University of Georgia, was an executive at Bear Stearns, the CEO of IP Group, and is a mentor. He has written more than 775 articles with more than 18,000 links on the Internet. Bob resides in Delray Beach, FL.

Alzheimer's: A Wonderful Moment in Time--Mom Dances

Wonderful people.

I have a vivid image of the look on mom's face and of us dancing. I will have that image in my mind forever. This is the kind of moment that really knocks home to me why I am here with mom. Moments like this help keep me energized and focused.

My name is Bob DeMarco, I am an Alzheimer's caregiver. My mother, Dorothy, now 93 years old, suffers from Alzheimer's disease.

One of the biggest problems I face as a caregiver is keeping my mother socialized. If it was up to her she would sit around all day in the dark, rarely speaking. If you have experienced this as a caregiver, you know how really disconcerting this can be.

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About three years ago, I decided to take my mother out to the Banana Boat in Boynton Beach. The Banana Boat is an outdoor restaurant on the Intercoastal Waterway in south Florida. The "Boat" has an outdoor restaurant and an outdoor bar where you can eat and listen to live music. Since my mother rarely speaks when we go out to dinner, I decided we would sit at the bar and eat. I was hoping mom would benefit from being around people; and that, she would benefit from seeing people interact with each other. I chose an this outdoor venue because it has lots of bright light; and, bright light has a very positive effect on my mother's attitude and behavior.

When it came time to eat, my mother ordered chicken wings and french fries--this has always been one of her favorites. I felt a bit of joy when the food came and my mother's eyes almost popped out of her head when she saw--a big basket of french fries. She was delighted. Somehow these moments are becoming more and more important to me.

We had a very good time that night and I decided to do it the next Friday night. Pretty soon we were doing it most Friday nights.

After a few weeks, women started to come over and talk to us. The attraction was an older man with his elderly mother. They wanted to tell us how nice it was to see us. Keep in mind my mother is 92 years old. When they learned my mother was suffering from Alzheimer's disease they became sad. Fortunately, it didn't deter them from coming up and talking to my mother. I am grateful for this.

Soon both women and men were coming over to talk. This was working out better than I had ever imagined.

This new activity at the Banana Boat included: exercise, bright light, and lots of social interaction for both mom and me. I am always trying to find ways to keep "us" socialized. If you are an Alzheimer's caregiver you understand the importance of getting out and around. It is a good mental health break for both the person suffering from Alzheimer's and their caregiver.

The Banana Boat is the kind of place that attracts many of the same people week-in-week-out. Since we go around 6:30 we catch the happy hour crowd many of whom stay until 8.

After a while, a small group of people started saving a chair for my mother--they were expecting us. The first time we missed a Friday, one woman asked for our phone number and told me they were worried about "mom" when we didn't show up. Now we call to let them know when we can't make it on a Friday night.

As time went on, our little group of friends started to get bigger and this turned out to be a "God send". Each week, one by one these wonderful people come up and start talking to my mother. She really enjoys this and her attitude perks up right away. They treat her just like everyone else and talk to her like she is one of the gang. This year a group got together and took my mother to the casino to play slot machines on her birthday. I cannot put into words how much this meant to mom and me.

My mother loved to dance. So, each and every week I asked her if she wanted to dance. Our new friends would also ask mom to dance--men and women alike. I could tell mom wanted to dance but she always said--no. Mom is no longer confident around crowds or people she doesn't know. While her instincts tell her she wants to dance her brain is sending a very different message. I can tell you mom was never shy about dancing and she is a good dancer.

I repeatedly asked mom if she wanted to dance. She repeatedly said, no. One night when we were getting ready to leave, and as mom stood up, I started dancing with her right on the spot. She was shaking it a little bit and had a big smile on her face. By the time we were done, people had tears in their eyes. and smiles as big as big could be. Wonderful people.

I have a vivid image of the look on mom's face as we danced. I will have that image in my mind forever. This is the kind of moment that really knocks home to me why I am here with mom. Situations like this really help remind me how wonderful things can be; and, when the caregiving gets difficult I remind myself of moments like this.

I can assure you it was really a wonderful moment in time.

Bob and Dorothy live in Delray Beach, Florida.

Bob DeMarco is an Alzheimer's caregiver and editor of the Alzheimer's Reading Room. The Alzheimer's Reading Room is the number one website on the Internet for advice and insight into Alzheimer's disease. Bob taught at the University of Georgia, was an executive at Bear Stearns, the CEO of IP Group, and is a mentor. He has written more than 700 articles with more than 18,000 links on the Internet. Bob resides in Delray Beach, FL.

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I'm Hungry, I'm Starving

My mother utters those words at least 20 times each day.

This morning right after she finished eating her oatmeal, and with the bowl still in front of her, my mother said, "I'm hungry, I'm starving".

Back during that difficult, very trying, first year, my mother would eat constantly. It was driving me crazy.

It honestly made me feel crazy and disconcerted.

Then one lucky day in the gym, I mentioned to two complete strangers how this was making me nuts. They had already gone the full round trip with Alzheimer's.

As I vented, they stood there listening, smile on their faces, head nodding up and down yes, and listened to me vent.

When I finished, they told me about their very similar experience(s). They gave me a great deal of encouragement. Even though I never saw them again, I think of them often.

They changed my life.

It was later that day that the little light bulb in my head went on.

I realized -- I am not alone. There are millions of people, just like me, going through the same experiences, day in, day out. Millions all over the world.

I thought about the smiles on the faces of the two people I met in the gym. The encouragement and positive feedback they offered. Their kindness.

I decided, right then and right there, to learn as much as I could about Alzheimer's.

I decided that I would do everything possible to get control of the crazy situation I found myself living, day in, day out.

I decided that sooner or later, I would become a happy caregiver.

I made it.

The Alzheimer's Reading Room is all about changing the lives of Alzheimer's caregivers. For the better.

At the end of the day, I want each and every person that comes here to know -- they are not alone.

I want them to know that Alzheimer's is a sinister disease that will try to ruin their life. But, it doesn't have to be that way.

I want them to know, if it is up to me, that is not going to happen.

The collective brain of the Alzheimer's Reading Room is growing each and every day.

Each person that makes a comment, shares their words of wisdom, or offers advice on this website lets another Alzheimer's caregiver know -- they are not alone.

One by one, we help each other turn on the little light bulb in our head.

I'm happy to be a part of it.

Gotta go, "I'm hungry, I'm starving".

Original content the Alzheimer's Reading Room

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Bob DeMarco is an Alzheimer's caregiver and editor of the Alzheimer's Reading Room. The Alzheimer's Reading Room is the number one website on the Internet for insight into Alzheimer's disease. Bob taught at the University of Georgia, was an executive at Bear Stearns, the CEO of IP Group, and is a mentor. He has written more than 600 articles with more than 11,000 links on the Internet. Bob resides in Delray Beach, FL.

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Follow the Alzheimer's Front Row on Twitter

Are Alzheimer's Caregivers the Forgotten?

Forty percent of Alzheimer's caregivers end up suffering from depression. Do you want to see this happen to a loved one or friend?

One issue that really frustrates me is the treatment of Alzheimer's caregivers. Most Alzheimer's caregivers hear people tell them how wonderful they are for taking care of their loved one. As a caregiver, I learned to appreciate these compliments. They help, they really do.

However, if you have a friend or a loved one that is an Alzheimer's caregiver and that is all you do -- it is not enough. Many Alzheimer's caregivers are forgotten by family and friends. This is a sad truth that is rarely discussed.

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I meet and talk to caregivers all the time. It is not unusual for them to tell me that as time goes on, and as Alzheimer's worsens, one by one their family and friends fade away. This is understandable -- Alzheimer's is scary and disconcerting. It is hard to accept, hard to understand, and hard to watch as it progresses.

It is not unusual for the friends and family to continue to call and give the caregiver the old 'rah rah siss boom ba" and then they get back their own life.

Meanwhile, the caregiver puts their life on hold -- or worse they have no life -- while caring for an Alzheimer's sufferer. Calling and letting the caregiver "vent" is helpful, very helpful, but it is not enough.

Like it or not, if you are a family member or friend of an Alzheimer's caregiver and you are not helping them--you have abandoned them. I am sure this sounds harsh. But, it's not even close to the harshness of your own behavior.

Caregivers need help. A few hours here and there to get away from it all is an important step in improving their lives. Some time to enjoy the world outside their home. Time to re-attach with others.

Why am I so passionate and adamant about this?

Forty percent of Alzheimer's caregivers end up suffering from depression -- four out of ten. Do you want to see this happen to a loved one or friend? .

Alzheimer's is a sinister disease--it kills the brain of the person suffering from Alzheimer's.

And, it will try to kill the brain of the Alzheimer's caregiver.

I really don't believe this problem is well understood.

Here are my immediate suggestions.

• If you know an Alzheimer's caregiver, find a way to organize the troops--family and friends--and get involved. Somebody has to take the initiative and if you are reading this article--take charge now.
  
• If you know a family that is dealing with Alzheimer's send them the link to this article and encourage them to organize up their own troops and do something.
• Nothing works better than a small team of caregiver helpers. The key words here are team and team work.

Here are some actions that will improve the life of the caregiver and help them avoid depression.

• The Alzheimer's caregiver needs to get away from it all. They need a respite every few days. This means someone must taking over while they go do something they enjoy. You might find this difficult to believe, but when I get to go to the store, take my time, and look around at the surroundings -- it is a treat. I bet you take it for granted.
  
• Invite your Alzheimer's caregiver and their loved one over for lunch or dinner. Most Alzheimer's caregivers tell me that one of the biggest problems they face is socialization. If you don't believe me--ask. Socializing really benefits the Alzheimer's sufferer (see: A Wonderful Moment). What is not as apparent is how much it benefits the Alzheimer's caregiver.
• This one is tough but could very well keep the caregiver from becoming depressed. Many sufferers of Alzheimer's get up in the middle of the night. This means the caregiver needs to get up with them. Sleep deprivation often leads to depression and it can cause erratic behavior. Imagine going night after night without sleeping well.
  
• Do you know an Alzheimer's caregiver? Ask them when was the last time they went to a movie? You might be surprised when you hear the answer (that's went, not watched). Solve this problem through team work: one person can look after the sufferer, and the other one can take the caregiver to the movie. This is a "get away from it all experience" that is really beneficial to the mental health of the caregiver.

Here is what I learned. Many caregivers get abandoned by friends and family. The reasons for this varies widely--ranging from denial, dysfunction, to fear of Alzheimer's. Many times friends and family while living their own busy lives fail to realize what is happening to the caregiver. An Alzheimer's caregiver might vent to you or me about their difficult day; but, they rarely tell friends and family that they need help. Worse, they rarely get asked directly from friends and family what they need most personally.

I am not talking about running down to the grocery store to pick up a quart of milk.

Let me summarize.

• Forty percent of Alzheimer's caregivers end up suffering from depression.
  
• You can do something about this problem.
  
• The best solution is to organize a small group of people, and to come up with a plan to assist the Alzheimer's caregiver.
  
• You might consider adopting an Alzheimer's caregiver.

I know from my own experience that if you take action you'll end up feeling good about yourself. Action will change and enrich your life.

Don't allow Alzheimer's to take control of the caregiver -- form a team to take control of the problem. The caregiver gets a life, the sufferer gets more effective care, and the team gets the wonderful feeling that comes along with doing something and getting involved.

Note: I realize the above does not apply to all families and friends of Alzheimer's caregivers. On the other hand, I know that this article is about one of life's dirty little secrets....

Bob DeMarco is a citizen journalist and Caregiver. In addition to being an experienced writer he taught at the University of Georgia , was an Associate Director and Limited Partner at Bear Stearns, the CEO of a software development company, and a mentor. Bob currently resides in Delray Beach, FL where he cares for his mother, Dorothy.

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